Memoirs

  i have spent my entire day reading and re-reading the e-mails i have sent you-all i get is a tremendous pain in my heart and my gut-i cant think-i cant work-its killing me inside-everytime i open my e-mail and theres nothing from you-the pain just continues.your e-mail-the only one youve sent thus far was a cheap attempt at ending this relationship by storming off being angry taken offence to the term whore.all it amounts to is you trying to find an easy way out.you wont admit to what youve done your deciet-your lies-instead you want me to be the one that says fuck you p its over go to hell-then you can simply put me in the past and move on.life doesnt work that way.youve already limited our interaction now for sometime and i wondered why.the p i knew would not let anything get in her way of talking to me-but you have-you make in my opinion no effort-it matters not thats hersay on my part.my heart is broken-AGAin by your actions but in the end it doesnt matter my life has been in tatters for sometime now-this is a fitting last blow.i know what i read-the words the phares you used with me to be used with him are so painful i cant express.iam not going to judge you-iam not going to spew venom-all iam going to do is leave you with a warning one i want you to know truly comes out of my love for you and not hurt. on a's blog-your picture is there glowing constantly-pics of him and you only-not together but it doesnt take a genious.of all the responses theres only one other comment made by someonelse other than you. his blow is largely about you.his intimate thoughts about wht he wants to do to you-all of it your admiration for him and him for you.what i want you to think about is  how prudent your being-all my feelings aside imagine for a moment it was J reading arties blog-reading about you falling asleep while he makes love to you-you wanting another man-him reading and wondering what you two really spoke about-you calling him babe-i miss you i miss you-your my bad boy-etc etc.the point is after L you devastated him-i dont know how much trust youve rebuilt-but imagine him reading those words-after hearing you taslk to a on the phone how many times i can only imagine.the difference between you and i-all we shared theres no record of it even on your blog no one can connect us.but on assholes blog-its all to clear.you can do whatever you want with whom,ever-but you made the choice long ago to be his wife even after L you decided your life was with J-you would hurt him again like that-when you leave your other life behind in a public domain-your only asking to be caught just as i found a's blog-so to can him.life is amazing-things occur in the most bizzare ways-never assume he wont find it or a freind of his wont and tell him-you just never know so why leave it there why take the chance.These will be my last words to you p-i loved you more than you know-i respected your life with J-but i always always wanted to meet you-i always wanted to hold you- love you physically to share with you so many years of wanting-some days i wanted to reach threw the computer and just hold you-you were my best freind a world away but always in my heart no matter how fucked up my life got-but that world lays in ruins now-i have to let go of something i wanted so badly.I love you immensely in a way only you know.I hope you find happiness-i see all the wonderful things in you that attracted me the first day we spoke it still holds true today even threw this tempest of pain.

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