Memoirs

"e: i got butterflies talking to you yesterday rushing here to be online tonight"

he talked to his ex lover and tried to convince me that he doesn't feel anything for her anymore.....yeah whatever...and why do i even care? i don't know

a very sweet email from A...damn i miss him!! 

It was nice hearing your voice again today....actually i was about to pass out because of how sweet you sounded :-).

a sweet conversation between E and me.... i miss having him in my life!!

e: i go on your blog all the time
p: i know
e: even get it translated threw google now

p: sorry for being honest
e: thats o./k i admire it of you best quality aside from your fabulous ass

p: hey we're chatting!!! isn't that amazing? it's been a while
e: yes it is feels great dont want it to end

e: sad huh-when your not around i spend my time translating shit reading your thouight ive actually threw your blog witnessed in writing your struggles
p: only a few can do that im glad u're a part of it
e: unlike your freinds i know things they dont-i ccan see what you are feeling the changes youve made

e: you will always be you know things about me noonelse does
p: and i still love u
e: i will always love you no matter where my life taks me
e: never doubt that ever
p: that's a hell of a promise
e: its a fact
p: wow
e: i will always find a way to talk to you

p: i was missing u so much
p: i was too busy to realize how much
e: you need to take the time
e: i need this in my life

i got the new cd from joe and that always makes me miss him....i'm having a L day today....talking to him and exchanging emails made me feel good...he has that power. even when i know all he's saying is complete bullshit...even though..... he makes me feel good.... i don't want him around...i don't wanna talk to him anymore...i want him out of my life cause that's the way it has to be and it's the way i want it to be.....out...out ....out.................................

he's a black male, around forty, light dark skin, handsome and conscious of it. he's well known and appreciated by the community, he has a high standard of life and that's the most precious thing for him. he his married, has a son and now a grandson which makes him very proud. he loves his job too cause it gives him all the respect he needs. he would never live alone, he needs someone by his side, someone in a minor position, who makes him feel adored and needed. he would never travel alone or get a tattoo or wear a certain kind of clothes cause that would jeopardize the respect and the position he loves so much...he would never get divorced. he's a liar, he adjusts his situation to what he thinks the other person wants or need to hear. he would never tell u the truth if that made him look less perfect.

t: P can I ask you a question now?
p: sure
t: i hope you don't take it the wrong way but why did you contact me and ask me to add you if you didn't want us to start back talking?
p: cause i wanted to have this conversation with u emails are not the same
t: ok thats a fair answer
p: i didn't mean to bother u it was just a need i had inside of me like something that was unsolved
t: you didn't bother me p  I was hoping you wouldn't take it that way
p: i think u were the first person in my entire life i said i hated and im not like that...no matter what
t: i'm sorry I made you feel that way p i never meant to I will send the pictures and we can go back to the way it was
p: thank u
t: and thank you

i would like to finish this conversation today maybe exchange those pics from our trips and then go on with our lives...u know going silent again with each other...this time ...in a good way though
t: that's not a question P
p: i know
t: so your question is?
p: it's something im asking from u
t: you don't have to ask that of me
t: you can have total control of that
t: I think you know that

t: are you teaching now or still an aid?
p: im teaching esl in a language school
t: i proud of you
p: thank u
t: your welcome
p: you're welcome
 LOL
t: lol
t: the p I know and love
p: im laughing here
t: i know

 

yesterday he sent me some pics of his grandson...a cute little baby...very handsome...it's such an odd thing. he was the most in my life once, he broke my heart like nobody before and now i feel happy for him, i know that he's still a liar and always be and im not interested in having him around. actually my feeling is getting rid of him as soon as possible so that i stop wasting my time on this computer. i know what i wanted to know...that is the way his life is ...how he is...i don't even know why i had that need ....but i had it...curiosity..i didn't wanna end up things like we did...last thing i told him was that i hated him...he still has the ability of avoiding all my comments and subjects that he doesn't wanna talk about like him living alone, him having lunch with joe (lol) or my tattoo....but that's part of the liar he is....it doesn't bother me anymore...at all.....cause he's nothing but somebody on the internet

"If you should ever really need me I would never turn away. I never left!"

 

"who said nothing about needs....i know u never left...i did!!! and i had my reasons...are u sure u wanna talk about those reasons? i suppose my emails were just a big mistake...sorry to bother u...."

he was on my blog yesterday so now i know for sure he got my email.

i've been away...........away from the computer, away from the internet...there's this british guy i talk to through our cells...we send text messages to each other...but that's all....e is away too so it's not a big deal for him i think he's enjoying the break. the other day i sent L an email saying

"u used to look for me but i wasn't there for u, now im looking for u and u're not here for me...i wonder if we'll ever meet again in this strange thing we call life...."

as usual .....no answer....