Memoirs

who loves you?
tell me something good
if loving u is wrong i don't wanna be right
we're meant to be
can't live without u
u're my everything
from the first moment i knew u were gonna be mine

thank u for all the lines u taught me....now thanks to that when a guy says something nice i just smile at him and tell him...nice line!!!

I hope your weekend treated you nicely and was

"Good Mourning Fantasy Wife !!! Today is Thanksgiving Day here in the U.S.A. Today we all have big feasts and give thanks for all of the many things we take for granted every day. Amongst the many things I am grateful for, I am grateful for being friends with the most beautiful and sexxxy lady I have ever seen(that would be you). As for feasting, the only thing I want to eat all day is way over between you well sculpted sexy legs. Your bikini picture drives me crazy. How can it be possible that you don't know how sexy you are? Anyway , have a great day!!!"

xoxoxoxoxo S

coming back here makes me sad....cause i read it all over again and again i feel stupid for giving so much and getting so little...stupid me!!!

nobody can be compared to u cause nobody can make me feel the way u do. the way i feel for u has nothing to do with the way i feel for a he could never hurt me the way u do or make me happy the way u do. cause i love u and want u, i know u with all ur qualities and flaws and i still love u. nobody is now so inside my heart as u are e. yesterday u sent me an email saying "fuck off and die p" this morning i sent u an email back e...did i insult u? i didn't right? why would someone do that? why would someone stay in a relationship when it becomes so difficult? the other day u said i don't stay around that i just replace people in my life when they don't give me what i want from them....but then im still here...i've been here for the last 2 years....2 years e!!! and why? why am i still around? why am i still fighting for this relationship? why didn't i give up and try to replace u? because i love u and i want u and i wanna be with u. i learnt a lesson two years ago...i learnt that even when things get hard with u, even when u swear and attack that doesn't mean u don't love me anymore. i learnt it the hard way....getting back to someone who didn't deserve me( even though u keep say we deserve each other) and making the biggest mistake of my life. now i know.... i know ur love doesn't depend on those things...so i stay even when it hurts....even when u call me names and when u tell me things i don't deserve to hear....

i feel so rejected...we could have met last month but he was not into it....he doesn't want me in his life...

" Beautiful P , my personal dreamgirl and the object of my most enjoyable and erotic fantasies, today is not only Veteran's Day here but more importantly "My Birthday"! The only thing I want for my birthday is to see your phenominal face and/or incredible figure. If love at first sight does exist, it's only happened to me once and that was the first time I saw your photo. xoxoxoxoxoxStacey"

you totally misunderstood what i was saying-what i meant was simply this after i found the stuff on your blog-you know how i felt even about a gift from you to v-what you meant it to be to me was already spoiled-but i know all you went threw to get it for me an to get it here -its the first thing you have ever touched that i will touch-the first smell -any hint of you that i will have-i want when i open it p when i touch for the first time-i want it to be all it can be and was meant to be-not to have it polluted by my issues regarding L and A and my hurt so i put iit away didnt even look inside-so i can choose the time to experience what you meant it to be for us-thats all -yet you just bolted

"I know you don't want to hear this truth but I do honestly adore you. I want get the chance to write that letter tonight because I just received a phone call. I must catch a flight very early in the AM (5:30AM) take-off. I am scrambling to pack as we speak.
I will start to write that letter inflight and complete it as soon as possible. My word is what? Good is the expression you are searching for. I look at you and have one thought; I want to know you. I will confess in that letter why I stopped writing to you for that time period.
You are special to me and those words have real meaning behind them. Hope your day treats you good. Tell me whats your favorite music? I want to hold you and just listen to you talk about anything or nothing.
I will tell you what I really want from you. Ok, your ass, well, every warm blooded guy wants that but I want more. I want your trust and companionship. P, you have something about you (embodied inside you) that grips and holds me. I know I must get to know you. I also know I must see you and see you soon. Ok, back to packing!
See ya, grab every chance to smile during your day and that will help to negate the AM grumpiness. You are "Precious" to me. I never say this to anyone and that is a very honest statement."

" I am totally taken aback with your comments. First, let me say "hi" and I am in love with you but you know this already. I also hope you had a blast in NY; just loads of fun. I am really disappointed that you were only a managable distance from me and I did not get to see you. You knew I would want to see you if I knew you were in NY. I would have taken a day off work and made the drive to see my "P". That is probably why you did not tell me unitl you were safely back home. Ok, I guess that I will jujst have to make the trip to see you. Fondly, C" You are this special soul that I do love in such a special way but seem to not be able to see.  P, I want you in my arms.  No, rephrase would be, I need you in my arms.  I can't get over you.
I looked at your profile tonight that has the shot of you facing rearward and your hair in braids.  You are it and I knew it just looking at the back of your head.  P, Honey, I want you.  I want to know how you are and what you are up to?  You have established a spot deep in my soul and its real.  I love you but I have never met you.  This can be and it is!  You fit me well and my instincts reinforces this.  You are my angel!!
Oh, I'm nutts but not crazy out of my mind, except about you.  I think of you even when I don't write to you.  It would be my dream to hold you.  A moment that would stay with me forever (eternity).  You know something, I know this now.  How are you my love?
I know you are gone but you are real to me and I love you.  P, I'm not really a nut case.  Its just you
Let me connect with you when you are not pressed for time.  Shoot me an Im to let me know the best time.  I miss you, honey.  I do know you because I know your soul and thats what I adore and love.  I ask myself, how do I miss you if I have never actually met you?  It has to be something special about you.  You know something, I think my soulmate lives across the ocean and she has braids.
You know something else, I want to hear your voice.  I actually stayed up late to catch you online.  I saw your message to me and something just hit me.  I feel like you are so close but yet so far (across the ocean).  P, honey, let's just talk and talk about anything you want to.  I'm looking at your braids and the back of your head in that profile shot and i know you fit me so perfectly.  You are not just my friend but you are also my passion and you occupy that special spot within me.  I must hit the sack now because I have to rise for work in 3 hours.  I will be so sleepy today but it was more than worth the wait to have a quick chat with you.  P, can't you see how special you are to me after all this time?  You are so smart, wise, intelligent, and all those other similar words.  Don't crtique my typing too hard because I am sleepy.  P, plz talk to me when you have time.  Ok, you are being the P that I know; you say it takes more than a couple of chats.  Let's take it your way, tell me something about you I do not know.  I will gladly reciprocate!  Tell me why I know I love you and I never "ever" utter those words to anyone "never"?  I just talked with you and now I have to try to sleep, that will be hard. P, I will reveal a real "truth" to you when we connect again.  Be sweet and happy, my angel!  I do know you regardless of what you say or think!!  I instinctly know your heart and soul.  You are a special and lasting connection and i know this.  Ok, don't jump in my case for saying this but you are my true love!  See Ya soon, C(CSI kinda)

because your my best freind-your my lover-you have a great ass-iam dying to make love to you-your intelligent-a great mom-very sensitive yet strong and i can tell you anything
now beat it

it was not the end....yesterday morning he sent me an email saying...i wish to talk to u.... i answered right away and we had a conversation about L and A and some other guys on the internet. i told him i was not gonna stop having friends and that most of my friends want me...so what? nothing is gonna change that and he has to learn to trust me. the fact they want me doesn't mean they gonna have me...that's my call...not theirs. we had a good chat without shouting or swearing it was pretty amazing. then he told me that he had missed me and that he hated himself for that. he also told me we're gonna get through this once again. i don't know what to think anymore i don't even understand us, i don't understand myself...sometimes he just bothers me cause he tries to control all my steps but when i don't have him in my life i miss him. i miss him a lot...last weekend was so so difficult cause he was not here. maybe im just hooked to him and i supposed he's hooked to my ass....lol. the other day i was checking old cds and there were some pics from L....didn't do anything to me but yesterday when i got his email...omg my heart started racing as a crazy horse....what is wrong with me, what are my real feelings towards this guy....

ok today is the day....the end of us...u looked for my blog u found it and u read it....