Memoirs

over and over again i realize it's all about my body... i know u didn't come because u couldn't f*** me that was the only reason why u didn't even think of going there and now this guy tells me exactly the same...why spending the money and time right? why if u can't have my body? it's the only thing it has some value for u guys....nothing else....u really suck....all of u....

u left a comment on my blog

 "I hope your dream come true was even better than your dream P"

but this time u signed it as....temm something good....to make sure i would know it was u

  

"Our love it seems is like a dream
From the abyss of despair we have risen together
To reach this place where love abounds
But now an obstacle stands in our way
We push we shove-with angry words we scream
We hurt-we understand-yet its so like a dream
You captured my heart and you raptured my soul
In so short a time youve become my world
I have longed to find a love like this
But now i wonder will our love survive this
It last for a moment and my doubts dissapear
Soon thereafter to be filled with your love again
You are the fiber thats binds my life
To live without you is die alive"

i just found this poem E wrote about us long time ago

what kind of love is that e? how can u love somebody u think one

what e????? what? why do u still wanna talk to me? do u need a punching

e: but maybe p just maybe you allow your freindship with a to become what it has to fill something your not getting from me
p: a friendship? u think u're not giving me that? why not e
e: oh no sweetheart a freindship without conflict thats what i mean
p: don't call me sweetheart when u mean bitch
e: the same thing you went back to L for the same reasons you so easily forgot me your looking for that freindship that doesn come with judgements without conflict without being called names something stable someone that makes you laugh someone that doesnt bring you down i know you better than you think anyways iam going to bed you see p-you dont stick around -you would rather suplant-supplement-you would rather fill what your missing elsewhere than get it within what you have
p: so if u know me so well and what i need too why don't u give it to me
e: youve done with your marriage you did it with me and honestly if L had never fucked you over you would never have come back to me thats a fact you dont have to like hearing it but its true
p: now u're judging my marriage too
e: no
p: i never did that to u
e: no more than you can assess mine
p: that is so unfair e
e: is it look at your life look at how ou changed as a woman within your marriage
when you started changing in your heart as a person you sought to change him when it could only go so far you change the circumstances
p: think twice before u finish
e: you sought outside of your life what you were missing and wanted to explore i dont have to p you know the rest iam no different
p: i don't need so much hate
e: theres no hate
p: i don't need someone who thinks that about me i thought u were my friend
e: i love you  there you go now
p: fuck u u don't love me u never did
e: this is where an a will come in your angry now so toss me aside fill your life with an a
p: fuck u e fuck u
e: you see he to just like L will tell p what p wants to hear i love you and i will tell you the god and the bad-iam no better no worse
p: i told u once and i'm gonna tell u again you don't need any fucking a u are doing a wonderful job yourself u want me to go away
e: no not at all
p: im going away don't worry
e: you are giving yourself the reasons to
paulinha: no e u are
e: so if thats what you want so be it
p: u are treating me like shit again
e: as i said i know you
p: u keep doing that over and over again and i don't have to live like this e my husband respects me and my friends too u called me a whore once and u really meant it and again i don't need that
e: yes i know you prefer a freind like a that will say all goodthings-you can escape your world come online hear nice things-you dont want someone like me so if a is what serves your needs then go to him
p: i've been living with u 3 years  but never thought u were thinking all that shit about me it's good to know
e: look inside yourself look at my life are we so different you just dont want to hear it p thats o.k.
p: i don't judge my friends i never judged u
e: iam not your fucking freind
p: or ur marriage no u're not that's for sure
e: yes you are so right you want a freind go talk to a iam not that
p: no u just want my ass
e: i dont love my freinds like this
p: i hope not
e: not even worth a response

the reason why i dont pay attention to your english is because since i first met you its vastly improved you dont ask me for corrections anymore i dont need to correct you-you do it all-the fact that i dont pay attention to it is because you speak better english english speaking people yours is always gramatically correct-spelling etc -its acompliment i dont pay attention

"you really look beautiful i would have been so proud walking with you.."

i sent him an email...he didn't answer and im feeling really sad...suddenly my trip doesn't seem so bright...actually nothing does...i should be so mad!!!! i should be thankful for finally getting him out of my life but im not.... im feeling sad and defeated... a big big sadness just took over me and i don't know why... maybe cause he really thinks im a whore or maybe cause he wants to break up...or maybe it's cause i miss L in my life.... or maybe i just wish he was a bit more like them, a bit more of passion, a bit more of love.....maybe im just missing the things i usually miss in my life....maybe i just don't feel loved and wanted anymore...as usual.... sadness and tiredness that's all i feel.....

enjoy your trip dont say fuckall to me again-after your fucking whoring with L-the only reason you ever came back to me is because you found out you were nothing to him but a possible fuck. theres your real love thats someone that wanted your ass and you were dumb enough to give it up twice as i said you deserve each other after all that shit you talk to me about what i want fuck you to hell. just think now you can answer L on your blog-meet the dumfuck in ny -fullfill your lifes dream and get laid too-in no time i will be a thing of the past youll be in love with L again-fuck if not him A-iam sure someone will do-to think after three years of us -three years-you fucking ask me a qwestion like that-you truly fucking deserve the men you know-why dont you ask them what they wanted instead. iam taking you off my yahoo-and my msn-have a new start to your life p-fullfill your dreams-you dont need me in it-you truly angered me with your dumbass qwestion this morning-its an insult-have whoever and whatever you want consider it your new adventure-goodbye-now you will see i didnt talk to you for your ass-i can get that anywhere anytime -have ur friend ask walter if you wish-even he could tell you meant a great deal to me-fuck you for that.

u were on my blog again...for 8m....i suppose u wanted to know if i had published ur comment or even if there was an answer to it...well there wasn't an answer cause i really don't wanna talk to u...i know that if i ever talk to u again....u gonna make me fall in love with u again... i know u can do that...

i have a big question in my head all the time....does he really love me or it's all about fucking????????.....