Memoirs

e: and all hes hoping for is one day your going to be at a low point in your life and there will be a message from L and you will respond and it will all start all over again
he knows you well
hes banking on time
time to wear you down
and i swear to god i honestly fear he may one day-thats your personality  and hes conting on it-it worked once it can again

ok today he found out yahoo 360...ohhh yeah!!! and he decided to interrogate me about my friends there...actually there are only two guys i talk to in there and one of them is my twin...but after like 100 questions i got mad and i told him about L's comment on my blog and he decided that i would never change and that i need to have a lot of guys here to be happy....whatever.... i mean lately things were going crazy between us and i was feeling so bad....so it's ok if he wants to disappear and forget about me....go ahead mr E it's impossible to have a relationship with u anyway....

how do i deal with that comment? after two years he sends me a comment saying he is proud of me....why? again it was the day before my birthday and i wonder did he even know it was my birthday? he was never into that when we were together but then what a coincidence right?? i was feeling so good about all this shit...really starting to think i was getting over him....i don't want this feeling of missing him to come back again i was doing so fine. then i think he did this cause he wants to know if he still has me, he wants to know if i still hold him in my heart, he wants to make sure im still one of his women, a mark on his belt .... but what he wrote doesn't seem that sort of thing or maybe it is...he knows how important my english is to me, fuck he knows me so damn well!!! maybe he was just trying to establish contact but if he wanted that he would send me an email as he did last time....but last time i didn't answer so maybe he thought he would have my attention if he would leave a comment on my blog....WHAT'S ON UR MIND L???????? why do u do this to me?? why do u still talk to me.... why do u keep telling me u're still there?? why????on the other hand that made me think he didn't get my email and that is such a good news!!! i was so worried about that, it was a moment of weakness that i couldn't control and that i regreted soooo much so it's good to know it didn't get there...he never read that email....

why?? can u tell me why??

L left me a comment on my blog today....today is my birthday and it makes me think he knows that....anyway i knew right away it was him, but then i checked my statistics and there he was...now im sure he didn't get that email i sent him and im soooooooooooo thankful for that...i really am... this is the message he left me....

"your english writing is getting better and better. I'm proud of you. You have come a long way."

 I know you don't want to hear the truth but my "only" and real answer is "its because I am honestly so crazy about you"!  I tried but just couldn't forget about you.  You "my dear" are a very special lady and I definitely know this.  You have never left my thoughts and affection.  I think you are actually part of my soul.  You are the goddess I should have met many years ago.  I am tied to you and its beyond my control because its part of our life's evolutionary process.  Think about it and tell how you are truly doing.  Sweet thoughts of you, C

C is back...i know i know after so long i can't believe it either....yesterday i got a message from him on my yahoo....i was like...no way!!!! but it was him.... i answered back and i got a new message today saying he's traveling and i really hope to have him back in my internet life....i love the poems he used to send me and he can really make me feel good so....welcome back C

two years ago i was in deep agony, i couldn't stop crying, my soul was so sad....i can't remember being so sad before....my heart was broken, and all because of u.... 

"hallo my hot queen,
I'm Luca from Italy. I think you are the most erotic invention after the chocolate, magnetic like an harbour in the tempest. I'd like to be there to massage your feet...."

this is a cute one..lol