Memoirs

 do you tell him how much you love him whens hes fucking you
you do
hard to comprehend at times
painful
its in those moments when i think of it whe i imagine it-thats when i realize iam just a fantasy for you not real
you dont know the pain i feel when i dwell on the thought of him taking you its like being killed inside
how ddo i express that to you
 all the things i so desperately want to feel with you-hes feeling
i can only dream
and know it happens

he didn't answer my email... i suppose that should be enough for me. enough to make me understand i don't mean a shit to him. lol shouldn't i know that already??? i think so... i feel so stupid and totally pathetic... yeah...well i wish i never pressed that send button...but then i suppose it's too late for regrets...now he knows i kept the email he sent me last year and that i still have him on my life, mind and maybe heart...tell me isn't that pathetic?? it certainly is....

"how long did it take to write that email? i bet not as much as it took me to answer

happy father's day in advance..."

L used to make me feel loved

A makes me feel secure

E makes me feel wanted

i lick u....drink u deeply

06/15/2006 04:55am

the lover

i am sitting here chatting with you
and from one word or the other that you wrote my heart began to beat faster
my mouth watery
although my throat is dry
my breathing changes
and an electrical charge seems to be going through my body all at the same time
hate it when that happens by the way
how could i put this
most of the time you try so hard to be kool and when i say that i mean avoid certain shit
and then bum
you would come up with some crazy shit that i like to hear and that triggers my little ass off

e: your with this man -but you have to admit you done a great deal thats unfair to him. yes because i want you happy your not leaving him if i thought you might i would make him the devil  just want you to know when hurt happens it takes a long time to heal a man like him may not outwardly express it but dont think hes not feeling it you think hes apathetic doesnt care he may hurt far more than you realize
p: so what should i do.... love him as much as i can???
e: yes because your not leaving him you never will your commitment to his happiness supersedes your own i know that about you ive seen it you also suffer guilt gulit from L and so you feel you owe it to him as well there are men p built like him some call them gentle giants a man whos very sensitive but is with a woman he thinks hes extremely fortunate to have sometimes they think they dont deserve you that you could do better so even when they feel wronged they say nothing out of fear they may lose you
what develops is something unequal you have done things to him you would never do to me why because you know dam well what i would do but you knew years ago there things with him you could do get away with and you pushed it to the limit in the end it devastated him but he just retreats further inside thats the work you have to do
get that back by one admitting you wronged him and two you are equals and that you respect him sometimes you just have to say it .

Hi sweetie, obviously, you are a very lovely, charming and alluring lady
and your beauty captures me. I would love to get to know you better. I'm
sure you've been bombarded by a multitude of men and I do not want to come
across as another man desperately seeking instant gratification. I'm new to
the Dallas, Texas area finishing my medical internship. I have about a year
left in clinical internship before I start my private practice as an obgyn.
I really do not like this email thing because it is so impersonal and
sometimes delays the inevitable (good or bad). If permitted I'd like to chat
with you over the phone to hasten getting to know you better, or delaying
the process of moving to find that special someone. Either way I think a
personal, live and in real time contact will be to our benefit. When sharing
numbers I would suggest a cell phone, since it is something I can still
maintain a degree of control over. Also I'd love to see more pictures of you
sweetheart, my direct email address is _______. Even
though you and I live in different areas, this is not a major issue to me
because I can come to you or bring you to me, (if it develops to that).
Well, I guess that is everything and I'm standing on my tiptoes waiting to
hear from you! Until then, I'll be waiting!

PS: I'd really like to meet your parents, thank them for making you, clone
their reproductive organs and sale them because you are one of a kind and
strikingly beautiful!!!(smile)

it's amazing i've been dealing with this guy for 3 years now and i still didn't figure it out if he is lying to me or not. sometimes i think he can't be living the way he says he does. other times i think he is telling the truth and that he really feels the way he says he does.... it's so crazy.... does he really care for me or is he lying all the time? i don't know... i really don't.... not even after 3 years....

twice-god your body is spectacular-just wish more than anything even more than taking you that i could just hold you-kiss you and cuddle with you -listen to you laugh at my stupid jokes and for a short time be lost in love with you

he asked for the divorce last friday and im scared.....