Memoirs

I often pause and think if I will ever meet you.  It would be like the most pleasant ray of soft sunlight glowing on me if I was just sitting in a restaurant and you entered, walked over to my table, and sat down.  I wouldn't notice my entree dish because you would be the only dish in my thoughts. I would just sit, look at you, and just enjoy listening to you chat about anything that you chose to talk about.  The pleasure would really be sharing a moment with you. P, make my dream come true.  It has always been you

i've been away for an entire year...amazing...i've just read a lot of posts and realized how my internet life was affecting my real life. not anymore. i don't spend far as much time here as i used to and from all that people i used to talk to i'm only in touch with E and somehow with A. E is still a constant in my life but as a friend now...we have been away of any other thing for a long time now...he has more than enough of that and now all we do is chat ...daily....about our lives i suppose. this blog doesn't have a reason to be since my internet life is not a big deal anymore....but hey...i have a profile on this new page...and sometimes the comments are cute to talk about...so ...i suppose we gonna stay for a bit longer...why not?

I LOVE YOU P-o.k. if it makes you feel less threathened-as a freind-but as for your sweet ass-the sexyist ass ive ever seen-i want it as a man that has dreamed of you for so many years-deal with it-sorry i got your message late-it really sucks-missing you

 i keep having to go to your blog to be with you-yes it sounds stupid but its where i go to get a little momenty with you-some days i truly miss you profoundly-so i just pop in spend a little time reading your posts which to me is like reading your mind-being able to get that means a lot to me-sometimes i read the post i knew you wrote to me it reminds me of a time you felt differently-iam not trying to be an ass its just nostalgic i guess

all hype aside you mean so much to me- i want you to know i get so many thoughts of you and believe me there not all sexual i get many just wondering what spening a day with you would be like-laughing with you smelling you hearing your words in my ear in person and not on a phone-i really do miss you

"I wish you were online. I will definitely try to catch you online prior to Christmas. The top of my Christmas "wish list" is you and second is to say "Merry Christmas" to you.I just checked my e-mail and I know you are fully aware of my thoughts this minute. You know me and you know what I am thinking.I owe you "big time" and I want to say I will reciprocate in kind. I also want to say "Thank you, Precious". I will cherish it. P, you are a naturally beautiful and precious angle to me. You are also a nice and special character and personality. I just spelled out that you are the complete package and there is no question as to why I have no choice but to adore you.I looked at the natural beauty and sexy image in my e-mail and I wanted to kiss my computer monitor. I could only stare, wish, and dream. My thoughts were, "I will always L--E her no matter what obstacles stand in the way. I would like to kiss you so much! Ok, you know that old saying that states "we dream about those things that are prevalent on our minds at bedtime". I wonder what my dreams will be about tonight??? The current time locally is "bedtime"!! Sweet hugs and kisses to you, Calvin  P, always be happy, Honey! You are so worth it. Oh, by the way, I always (always) repay my debts. I have principles and that is a lasting fact.Oh, did I mention that I do love you? Oh, sorry, I mean "l--e" you."

a lot has happened.... i missed E's birthday too...i did!! for the first time in 4 years.... i also met A!!! for real...we spent a week together...yeah he is just the way i thought he was gonna be. right now i don't have time for anything im working a lot....so no internet life at all...i only talk to E when i can...like once or twice a week if i get lucky....L gets into my other blog every single day....and i read on her blog that she travelled to the states to meet him this summer....poor her....her conclusion is that she shouldn't have done that (what a surprise!!) and that he will never stop lying....( i could have told her that!!) lol...im in a good moment...just came back from a good trip and my life is good....nothing else to say

i misssed your birthday-that became painfuly obvious when i went on your blog saw another pic of you and him-hes your freind .iam not-its obvious what he is to you-hes the one that remenbers your birthday-come to be with you-writes and dedicates his blog to you-calls you all the time and remembers your birthday and does special things to you thats what a freind is-iam not that-happy belated birthday-i wish you all the best

the fault is entirely mine not you-lesson learnt-theres no place for me in your life p it got filled a long time ago-its becoming more clear everyday-i have an awful memory -i cant even remember my father's birthday -i can tell you the aggregate imput of fed capital infusiion into the market in i month it stands at 350 billion-more important things i forget-you have no fault here it is all me-i have accepted it now

you just dont know how hard it was for me...i almost grab the shit out of you that one time we was on the elevator alone until i caught myself